After I quit smoking (I’ll let you savor the irony of that for a minute), one of the hardest things was giving up coffee — cause there ain’t no way coffee passes these lips without a cigarette. I adjusted, but it took about an hour after waking up before I could actually think.
That was then. It’s different now – boy, is it different. I think it’s that I have morphine constantly dripping into my system, whether I’m awake or asleep, but i awaken in a very special zone, just this side of coma. And it makes bad nights particularly bad. This morning, I found myself staring at my prayer book, and being unable to realize what I was supposed to be doing with it.
There should be fewer bad nights, at least for the time being, and when I have them, it’s not because of pain as much as it is insomnia (can’t turn the head off, that sort of thing). I’ve gotten more comfortable with this philosophy of pain management, so that I no longer feel pressured to get the absolute minimum of relief when there’s a problem. So I don’t say, “No,” as often when the nurse asks me if the night before i asked for something (and when I do, I get no sympathy from her — well, not much sympathy).
It’s Monday, right? The netbook is shipping today, should have it all tomorrow and be able to send this big honkin thing home. They’re ready to discharge me, so it’s a matter of finding a bed in the right facility. As many things as I’ll miss about this place — and I really, really hate hospitals — I’ll be glad to move on and find a facility. The staff here can’t be beat, and there’s Winnie who works for food services and what will I do without my Winnie Tea every morning? Still, I am pretty much taking up space here, since there are people who could use this ward more than I now, and a facility gives me more mobility and independence, sort of like a goal to work toward. And I’m sure I’ll collect lots of stories, especially about “activity evening” (Susan Greer gets her revenge!)
So yes, moving will be good. From the information I have, it seems like a choice between two places in State College, but Christopher is doing a major push today to see all of the remaining ones, so he won’t get here till the middle of the afternoon. Then, I’d like to talk to Fr John again about his impressions of them, ideally, get him, Christopher, and I to sit down and make a decision. Then, move.
There are certain things I am “open to” in the abstract that, however, I suspect may be intolerable in reality. Like anyone else having any control of the TV or DVR. Suspect. I don’t know. Then, you don’t know this, but in situations like this, I attract very undesirable people (lots of stories). Hypochondriacs. Germophobes. Just this side of homicidal maniac maniac. That sort of thing.
Anyway, we’ll see. There will be a lot more information this afternoon.