Decisions

I don’t want to sound morose, but I’m very frightened. My better half is not here for no apparent reason, and isn’t answering email. Most of my belongings did not get moved (my Bible, my prayer book, icons, and oils) and they should have been by now. This room is out of the hot spot, so I installed a wi-fi service that’s probably expensive, and with unstable connections. It makes me even more cut off.

This is a place where people go (are put) to die, and not a very nice one. There are good staff here, but even more whose idea of care is to shut you up. I am not interested in that kind of place. They do as little as possible to keep you mollified. Even if I wanted to just go die soimewhere, it would not be here.

So sorry for bringing you down. I’m just not in a good place.

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18 Responses to Decisions

  1. Dave says:

    Even though we’ve never met, I have been inspired by your life story and your current battle. Please accept the prayers of this sinner at this sad time of your life.

  2. Your better half is probably also frightened. I pray that he overcomes his own fears and attends to your needs. It is scary to be in a strange place with strange people. I truly wish I could be there for you.

  3. PS You can email whenever you wish. It’s not the same as being there but it’s all we’ve got right now.

  4. mamajuliana says:

    Still praying for you…it is ok for you not to be in a ‘good place’ right now. I just feel bad that you are not getting better care and attention.

    Sadly, the home you are in cannot give many the attention they deserve. I know, Valley View. They have some wonderful personnel, but there are just not enough of them.

    Remembering you in prayer, daily…

  5. Suzi says:

    I am so sorry that you are not in a good place. I pray that God will give you comfort and either take you to a better place or let the place become better.

    You are in my prayers.

  6. D. says:

    Praying for you.

  7. Wyatt Earp says:

    Praying for you. Hang in there, Prof. A lot of people care about you.

  8. Xopher says:

    Your better half was collecting the poor dog from the vet’s (she is mending, may God be praised for it), driving her home and walking both dogs around the house and checking their food and water, opening the package from Verizon and figuring out how to get the battery cover off, starting the process of getting your new cell phone activated, and waiting in line at Verizon to buy a component you asked for, all errands you knew about or requested. Time drags by in a hospital or any similar place, it crawls, it can be astonishing and debilitating how long the eventless day may seem.

  9. Prof and Xopher, FWIW – when I had a heart attack a few years ago, I was sent to a hospital in a strange town. I was also put on heavy doses of morphine. I was disoriented from my strange surroundings and the morphine altered my perceptions of reality. It was one of the worst times of my life. I’ve never felt so vulnerable. It took a while for my better half, who was used to me being tough and invulnerable, to accept that I needed a bit of pampering.

  10. Xopher says:

    Reassure your readers that your Bible, your prayer book, and your other belongings rejoined you, later in the day. it was worrisome, but the cause passed. I wish you were not so isolated. You’ve been asked to tolerate a situation that is a difficult challenge in so many ways. I think you are coping with amazing forbearance, and I love and admire you for it.

  11. Margaret says:

    I am praying for you every day. You are coping far better than I would and I admire you very much.

  12. Jean says:

    I think you both deserve platinum stars.

    I’m wondering if there is a way to set up a Skype–or other–connection between you and home: a virtual way to look in at your house, see the puppers during the day, share a virtual dinner? Maybe could put a little dent in the hideous feelings of isolation?

    Thinking of you both every day.

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  14. Joseph says:

    A tough situation. My prayers are with you.

  15. jimmyb says:

    Prayers on the way.

  16. sevpr says:

    I know what you mean. The last week of my father in law’s battle with Parkinson’s we had to put him in a “care facility” against our wishes but facing reality. It was hard to see the “minimum care to get by” of the staff. We ended up doing a lot of stuff for him ourselves. I’ll be putting a good friend in a care facility in about a week and it will be hard, but short of 24/7 live in nurse, that’s our only option.
    God be with you.

  17. bernie says:

    Although I am an Atheist, I will send up a prayer for you. My wish for you is that I am wrong about His existence and that in His infinite mercy and compassion He helps bring you to a happier place mentally.

    I wish you well.

  18. demontjoie says:

    Praying for you.

    Your writings are affecting many folks who’ve you never even talked to. Even in this extremely difficult time, you’re doing much good.

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