Very rough night

with very little sleep, and toward the end, sharp stinging pain from the bedsore. My pain meds — which we may have to adjust up, since the breakthrough doses were not effective — and readjusting me on pillows finally solved the problem.

Yesterday, I developed this rash all over my backside — a nasty rash, I am told by those who can see it. It’s been itching and driving me nuts. They suspect it may be a detergent allergy, so I guess we’ll find out in 24 hrs or so.

Random realization: I need to figure out how I can recharge my cell and get to it without calling the nurse.

Long day

and by all rights, it isn’t even over. We had the wheelchair mixup, and I ended up sitting in the chair a good four hours. However, getting to sit in the Darth Vader chair is always fun. Then Fr John was here, and brought a Christ Pantocrator icontocrassa (so now I have a shrine). The shrine puts forth no light, having no lamp, but that doesn’t make much difference.

The Kleinsteivers came and went, and will be back tomorrow.
Sam and Meaghan visited, and I’m looking forward to their coming again.

Now, however, it is time to pray and sleep. A very restful, blessed evening to you all.

Saints among us

When I was searching years ago, I encountered a man who challenged much of what I believed, and made me question, then rebuild, my faith.

He was the antithesis of most of the clergy I knew, clergy for whom faith and belief were matters of embarrassment (well, we don’t literally believe that Christ was born of a virgin, it’s a metaphor, or that belief came from this other group, etc.)
And his faith was rock solid.

Meeting Fr Alexander was the most important thing that had ever happened to me. He saved my soul and changed my life.

Today, Fr Alexander is visiting on his way back to Louisville from St Tikhon’s Seminary. I can’t think of anything appropriate to say. But the man whose quiet, monastic, love of his God and Church who shared them with me when he christmated me in 1984 can now again share his faith close to the end of my journey.

Christ is among us!

A Few Thoughts

I’m pretty foggy and not really bursting with profound thoughts, so just some random things. I’m not maudlin, though I might seem that way (it’s the circumstances). Try to ignore it if I do.

I’ve always feared dying alone. Something that so astounds me that I haven’t fully realized it is that when Christ calls, I will be surrounded by family and friends who love me. There is nothing quite so beautiful as the glint of tears in the eyes of a visiting parishioner whom you barely know.

The one relationship in my life I had most painfully wanted to repair has, against all odds, begun to heal. Nothing could have made me happier than dying in the knowledge that my son had forgiven me, or was at least on the way toward forgiving me.

Tomorrow, Fr John and Fr Basil are coming, and Wyatt is driving up from Filthadelphia. The Kleinsteivers (sister-in-law, her parents, and my niece) will also be here. There is a flow of visitors over the next week or so, and they will keep coming. When it is time, the Light of Christ will shine in the countenances of these loving people whom I am so honored to know.

For Richard

Thanks to Richard for taking the time to visit today. The timing was bad, I’m afraid; I was in a lot of pain, and I’m afraid I came off as rude. If so, Richard, I am very, very sorry. Come anytime. You’re always welcome.

More than a glimmer

That increased mobility in my legs yesterday is yet more increased today, accompanied by twitching, and in my left leg, which was the weaker and had the least feeling, there is an intermittent burning sensation — not at all pleasant, but it is returning feeling.

Recap

(Im at a 45 degree angle, so expect a lot of typos).

Yesterday, I had severe sharp pain from the tumor in my rib. I was spared that today. indeed, there was a major increase in moibility in my legs and ankles. that may sound trivial compared to cancer, but it isnt.

Minimal mobility in my legs makes an enormous difference in how well i can get around, which in turn in creases quality of life. Yeah, the tumors will be there, yeah, the pain will be there, but i will have soime control over my life. When you’re where i am, that counts for a great deal. So i very much hope that today wasnt a fluke.

My son was here all day, and i thank God for that. He’ll be here the rest of the week; he’s staying at a motel just up the street.

Now have a cell phone. Email me and I’ll send you the number.

O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk. But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant. Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother; For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen!

Cowboys to the rescue

Wyatt is driving up from Philly Thursday.

Much appreciated

Mark and Leslyn visited tonight. I can’t say how much that means to me.

Decisions

I don’t want to sound morose, but I’m very frightened. My better half is not here for no apparent reason, and isn’t answering email. Most of my belongings did not get moved (my Bible, my prayer book, icons, and oils) and they should have been by now. This room is out of the hot spot, so I installed a wi-fi service that’s probably expensive, and with unstable connections. It makes me even more cut off.

This is a place where people go (are put) to die, and not a very nice one. There are good staff here, but even more whose idea of care is to shut you up. I am not interested in that kind of place. They do as little as possible to keep you mollified. Even if I wanted to just go die soimewhere, it would not be here.

So sorry for bringing you down. I’m just not in a good place.

New Room

Getting a private room today.

Cherry

Big black leather Darth Vader chair!

Self-diagnosis

The MRI showed a tumor in my right rib, and today, the pain in my back wrapped around the right side into the rib.

Steelers v Bengals

Yes! House warming party!

Valley View retirement home in Altoona (30 miles southwest) has a bed, can take care of my needs, and can take me tomorrow! HTOC in Altoona!

Done

Dr Ellison was here earlier without his team, so he may come back — but that’s always a good thing. Dr Allii (sp?) and her oncology team just left. Nobody left to show up unannounced.

Oops

I just caught myself saying — out loud, “Slimy little
Democrat” in reference to that slimy little Greek, Stephawhoie. It just popped out when I saw that oily little liberal on TV. I didn’t do it deliberately.

Probably shouldn’t have done that.

Good article

I just got this netbook, and I haven’t figured out how the touchpad works yet, so blogging may be spotty. In the meantime, there’s this: Singing in the choir taught me how to live

Orthodoxy 101

Thanks to Josephus for this. ACROD will start an on-line course for those interested in learning more about the ancient apostolic faith for all who are interested. Registration at the link.

Idiot of the infinite level

Tommie Harris. “I shouldn’t have acted in that manner.” Gee, ya think? What’s wrong with you, anyway? Can him.